My heart is not made of made of stone, Sadly Men seem to think it is. My heart is not disposable, I certainly do not have the pleasure and the option to go to a "Food Lovers Market" and get another one to do that again the next week. My heart bleed folks, how many times should I have to say that short of wearing a forehead band that says "beware bleeding heart", I feel, I love, I hurt, I grieve and most of all I have an a pumping organ weary of pain but joyous to love.
How do I begin to make you realise that my dimpled smile hides a thousand scars carved in by the relentless hunting knives of the hunters Men are, how do I make you realise that the ringing laugh borders or hysteria brought forth by the soles of the thundering hunters that Men are. How do I once again bring you to the truth of my womanhood and fragility.
Men think my heart is made of stone, and I lament it is not so. So when Sabelo professed his love for me and spent beautiful sunny days exploring this beautiful landscape of ours with my bubbly happy self " What love can do" nestled in the cosy sporty seat of his sleek German sedan, when he carried me through the Parking lots of places we graced with our beautiful deliriously happy selves, " oh the envy in peoples eyes" when he cupped my face in his lean beautiful hands and fleetingly brushed my succulent lips, bringing joyous tears into my take me now kind of eyes. yes when Sabelo did that I was as one should be, Fulfilled...........
So we walked, drove, slept, cuddled made sweet glorious love, Made rampant mind blowing love, lay spent and sated in each others embrace the moon through the open bay windows winking at us as if in approval, I was as one should be....... when he looked into my eyes for just that split moment, sought my gaze in a roomful of people our souls spoke and all was as it should be, when Sabelo loved me.
We were kindred souls or so I thought and believed, Sabelo had been hurt, had a child with another just as I have offspring by another. He stayed 38km away from me or so I was made to believe, You see my beloved Sabelo was even drafting our Gym schedule for I had in my love for him and obvious concern him suggested he work on his midsection (inteshe) .........
The unanswered calls were not a concern at first, the non response was met with my understanding self ...... I mean my Sabelo was a busy young Entrepreneur, the odd calls when he called that deep booming soothing voice when he said " baby" made all things right , erased the question as to why. When I raised the question and made my feelings known on the calls issue, the answer was "Baby, I'm sorry I'll make it up to you, I got caught up in those meetings" Having worked in a busy environment I understood........ He never picked me up from my door step, his brother would help me carry my bags to the car right at the gate, Looking back he never dropped me in my complex he always was in a hurry when we got back from whatever trip..... oh the Folly of one in blind love !!!!!!!!!!
Lo and Behold what do I meet on a beautiful Sunny morning when I go for a jog, you see my lovely Sabelo was so shortsighted he forgot the early riser I was and my jogging passion, (well at that time ) there was my beautiful Sabelo's Sedan, In my Complex, My Complex........ My initial feeling was excitement, yeah My BOO1as Nonhle Thema would say, here to surprise me. I looked around, walked back to the house, Not a sign of my BOO! ful of concern I went to the gate to the Security office, excitedly asked the elderly security personnel where the Guy in the Car that just drove in said he was going, He looked at me funny and asked " What car ntombam?" I described it........ he drew in his breath and with a heavy sigh said, " That Man in the car stays here with uMakoti wakhe and a baby", To say I did not gag would be a shameless lie..... I'm so sure I turned green in the face......
I felt the world come up and enfold me in its harsh grip, Sabelo in my Complex with a wife, child and a helper......... I know I peed in my panties a bit for I felt a sudden warmth in my nether region.... I thanked the old man in quavering voice and with heavy feet dragged my forlorn self to my house..... you see the old man even gave me their unit number and as Baby Diablosi in his cruelty would have it, I had stayed in that unit before....... So you see my Sabelo really believed I had a heart of stone,why else would he have done that......
Needless to say, I called him after a few days and said I wouldn't see him anymore based on his telecommunication manner for you see I refused to have him know he had made a fool out of me and I had found out.....I also harboured thoughts of spilling Nail Polish on his sleek white sedan and then my Nguni pride came in and kept me in check....... more than that I looked back and thought of what Noel had done to me in the past and found Sabelo lacking in his cruelty.........
Looking back he was never on time, always running late. Many weekends away we had. I love travelling so I thought he was catering to my love of travel......The signs were there, only the pulsating heart full of hopeful love kept me from confronting the obvious....
Noel is a story for another day ........... he also thought like Lot's wife I was a rock ....
